It started with restless sleep, knowing I had to awaken at 4:00am. Every thirty to forty-five minutes I would wake up and check the clock thinking I had overslept. "Just get up," I say; how could twenty extra minutes help the sleepy drag I will feel all day? I look over at my husband with annoyance knowing he will enjoy at least four more hours.
I hate this; why do I have to work at all? It seems like everyone else around me has the house, the cars, the new clothes, the private school, the vacations, and the obvious, fancy salon pampering. They make it look so easy. This must be the norm, and I am missing out. I should get all that without having to do anything for it. For some reason I'm entitled and I'm not seeming to live the carefree life others must be living.
I go downstairs, start the coffee, then look at the scale, like I do every morning, contemplating the dreaded task of staring at that annoying number which is never what I wish it would be. I remember the previous night's large piece of cheesecake with strawberries on top and decide to skip the whole scale thing for today. Why can't I just be naturally skinny after having three babies like these other mutant mothers are?
It's early. It's quiet. I have some time. Do I head for my Bible with cup of Joe in hand? No, I decide on the news. I've got to hear more of the repetitive election mombo jombo. Shoot! The TV is temporarily out of order; irritation sets in. So me and my morning friend, Joe, head to the computer. Headline: Las Vegas facing highest foreclosure rates in the nation. Great! How much worse can it get before we see some equity in this so-called investment? Weather: High Today-97 degrees. Are you kidding me? It's almost October; I'm so sick of being hot. I hate this place! Time to quickly visit some commonly frequented blogs. Out of nowhere, I'm bombarded with mean-spirited, cowardly ramblings which brought offense and vengeful feelings due to knowing that this calculated coldness was intended for loved ones. Why does misery love company so much that it would drag the World Wide Web along with it?
What a way to start the day! Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts; it's not working. Okay, now I don't have enough time to get ready. I wondered why I even turned on that stupid computer in the first place? I was running late, and the 80 mph race to Centennial High School was, a couple of times, death defying. I really don't like today's teens, so why did I take another high school sub job? To top it all off, it was Special Education. This is a huge hassle, and I'm only doing this as a favor for an old UNLV professor. I just want this day to be over!
Fast-forward six hours, and I'm sitting in my car where it is finally quiet, and as I reflect, I almost start to cry. I feel nothing but humility. God once again smacked me hard in the face with reality. My perspective has been so out of whack. This day started with questions like, "Why don't I have this?" "Why do I have to do that?" "Why can't I look like this?" "Why are they doing this to me?"
Being completely humbled by the students I encountered today, I have some new questions. "Father, why have you blessed me so much?" "Why are my children so healthy?" "Why do I get to enjoy every luxury and comfort when You promised to give me what I need?"
Thank you, Lord for every blessing and every mercy you've shown me. It is all from You.
This day ended with the reminder that life is so good.
I will thank you, Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.Psalm 9:1-2
GOOD LUCK IN BAD LUCK. AGAIN.
2 years ago
6 comments:
Well said! Thank You for an uplifting reminder of what is truly important! I only wish everyone behaved that way!
Debbie and Elise
Courtney:
I hope you don't mind that I am posting again but, I've been pondering your blog since Elise and I read it this morning. I just felt a need to express my gratitude for the blessing of having you for my daughter "in-law".
I just wanted to say "thank you" for the wonderful ways exhibit your love, honor, and respect of my son John and the incredible mother you are to the grandbabies. You exhibit everyday and in every decision you make that this journey is not all about you and how you look or what your needs are. Thank you for the gift you give OF yourself to others. It is a rare and admirable quality. Some would take that honor unto themselves, however I feel it is an honor other's see in you as you live your life. Thank your for your selflessness. I can't remember a time when it's been all about you.
Thank you for your home that is always warm and welcoming. It is so much more than a house with really nice furniture and model home presentations perfectly placed for the admiration of others. It has been and often is a shelter and haven to others, where we know we are safe and loved without judgement. It is filled with comfort, laughter, the giggles of little ones and lots of love and respect. It a home where The Spirit can dwell and others feel that peace.
Thank you for your kind and gentle spirit, you always looks for the good in others. Thank you for your wonderful humor and especially for your wisdom that is slow to judgement and constrained in tongue.
Courtney, give little thought to the "others." They have their things but, like a movie set, when you go behind the store front and all it's prettiness, you discover it's only for show and presentation and that there really is no meaningful,lasting or warm substance. It is not someplace that offers a feeling of love and peace. Often the "others" are just cactus draped in sparkly Christmas lights, and who wants to snuggle or be friends with decorated cactus? Cactus looksnice on the outside in the dark with all it's adornments, but when daylight comes and light is present all is revealed for what they really are.
Thank you for living void of pretense. Thank you for knowing and for especially living the difference.
I learned along time ago to look at one's behavior rather than to listen to their pontifications. That is where truth is revealed. One of my favorite quotes goes like this, "One's actions speak so loud you cannot hear what they are saying." Thank you Courtney, for having the character and the integrity that matches your words with your actions.
Thank you for living you life in such a way where it is not all about you. Thank you for helping us all to see a little bit clearer and helping us to refocus our energies to what really matters. Thank you for choosing to be a part of this kooky family. Thank your for your support of John in the family crazy times. You give us all a sense of balance and acceptance. Thank you for hanging tough is tough times, and doing so with such class.
Debbie
Corky!!!!!!!!!!! You better add my blog to your list!
I am glad to hear you are not as super human as I have thought since I met you. I always ask Jay how you are so nice, and why I can't be nice so consistantly. I also deal with the same problems you mentioned. The other day I was just so frustrated that I couldn't get a more expensive shampoo. Such a little thing, but it can wreck your day when you dwell on it. Lately, with all the mess happening to us the story of Job comes to my mind and then I feel a lot better.
I hear that. You haven't seen suffering until you're sitting in ashes trying to cut off your boils with broken pottery. No fun at all. I don't know though, the whole shaving my head and tearing off my clothes bit might be quite liberating.
LOL. Well if it helps.. I would be more than happy to give you a very basic workout program that you could do at home even. It is all I am doing at school right now. Let me know if you are interested.
Post a Comment